Some Universal Truths

– Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
– At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
– One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
– You’ve never quite sure whether it’s ok to eat green crisps.
– Everyone who grew up in the 80’s has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
– Reading when you’re drunk is horrible.
– Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
– You’re never quite sure whether it’s against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
– Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
– You never know where to look when eating a banana.
– Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
– Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
– Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
– You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
– Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
– The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
– The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given
opportunity.
– Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
– Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
– Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
– It’s impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
– Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
– You never ever run out of salt.
– Old ladies can eat more than you think.
– You can’t respect a man who carries a dog.
– There’s no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you’ve got your hand or head stuck in something.
– No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
– Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
– The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
– People who don’t drive slam car doors too hard
– You’ve turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of  wood specifically to stir paint with.
– Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
– Bricks are horrible to carry.
– In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

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About Carl William Brown

I'm Carl William Brown a holistic teacher, webmaster, trader, and a writer of aphorisms and essays. I have written more than 9,000 original quotations and at present I'm working at my only novel, Fort Attack, which is also a wide and open blog project. I have done a lot of other things as well, both in business, educational, sport and social fields and in 1997 I founded the Daimon Club Organization to promote literature, culture and creativity.
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